So I might be having a bit of a realization. As I have said some time ago W told me it’s been almost a year we’ve been separated and instead of being in limbo it’s time we tell more people (and in the conversation she had she explained the news is going to spread like wildfire because “we are kind of a big deal” around our shared circles in our town - I don’t really know what meant by that part).
With her out of the country now for a month and as I am starting to socialize with summertime community events more I anticipate being asked about her. (Eg this weekend will be getting together with extended family gatherings and attending concerts). I have been wondering what I say and feeling pressure to come up with a script.
But I am taking the pressure off myself this afternoon. I can keep my trusted circle of support as small as I want and that feels better to me. When others ask how or where she is I can be honest and reserved with my comfort level and keep loaded leading statements out of it.
Friends: “hey where’s W?”
“She’s on vacation.” “Taken a trip.”
Peripheral Friends or family : “ I heard W has moved out.” “So you’re separated.” Me : “ya, hey what’s new with you? What’s going on this summer?” Or “Ya she’s staying with her mom.” Really that’s enough said.
W has talked about how she has been avoiding this circle of our friends and has not even seen my dad because she has not been wanting to face these conversations.
Just now had a good connect with D and S in as they sitting together in our living room. I was doing something else in the next room. D said, “I miss mom. (Brother,) you miss mom?” S: “ya I’ve been seeing some selfies she’s been sending me from her trip.” D (working on craft): “Dad, you miss Mom?” Me: “yeah” (stopping what I’m doing and attending to how D is doing. She seems in thought)
Later on when S went outside.
D: “ you are really there for ume and I just miss talking to mom about stuff too. “ Me: “ yes I could see that. She means a lot to you she’s your mom.”
After some silence Me: “ could you reach out to her to talk about stuff? Could you write some things down to talk to her about?” D: “ya thanks for talking about this Dad” Me: “anytime”
And this is a 24 and 26 year old having this conversation huh?
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
