what to do next..

[Terapin]

Hello. So, sorry to hear all of this. The good news is, this is very common. The bad news is, it [censored].

For starters, do you know this OM? Is he married, single, etc? You say they work together. Surely their respective bosses wouldn't appreciate the workplace romance. If it were me, I would expose the affair to his spouse (if he has one) and your wife's family. I wouldn't expose to their employer at this time, because you need her to keep her employment.

As hard as this is, you need to file for divorce. As it stands now, you're basically a cuckold. She is enjoying all of the benefits you provide (a home, income, stability, etc), while enjoying sex with another man. When you file, alert your in-laws that you have filed, and the reason why you've filed. Do Not Sugarcoat the reason.

Exposing the affair and filing for D is either going to make her realize what she stands to lose, or it's going to push her farther into his arms. But it's also going to show her that you have self respect and aren't going to enable her bs any longer.

When you file, go for as much as you can (full custody, spousal support, retaining assets, etc). If the D proceeds, you likely won't get all of that stuff, but you will be starting from a position of strength. This is why I say not to expose the affair to their employer yet. You want/need her employed to better your chances of fair custody, avoiding child support, etc).

In the meantime, close all joint bank accounts and open your own. Start getting as much stuff as possible separated/saved. And once you file, get yourself a digital voice recorder and keep it on every second that you're around her. One false domestic violence call to the cops will destroy you.

Now, this all sounds harsh, and it's meant to be. What she did, and continues to do with zero remorse is absolutely disgusting. It doesn't matter what 'you did' to cause this. This is 100% on her, and she needs to feel the full impact of destroying your family. It may be enough to snap her out of her fairytale. Then you'll have a really hard decision on whether to give her another chance. But if that doesn't happen, you will be setting yourself and your kids up for the best possible future without her.

Don't take any of this as gospel. I'm bitter as well. But I just have no tolerance for an ongoing affair, especially when there are kids involved.