Oh Kanga I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope some of the experts can help you here with their encouraging words. I have only been here a few months so I am still new in my own mess too but one thing that has stuck from here is “believe nothing of what he says and half of what he does”. It sounds like he is pulling some serious heart strings. I too was like you super analysing everything every word every comment. Honestly I drove myself nuts for months, the see-saw of H and his emotions etc. I’ve almost had a realisation very recently ( thanks to Kind18 being blunt which is what I needed) That being the crazy super analysing person hasn’t worked, it’s exhausting and I was getting pulled down into his garbage too. It was exhausting for months and months and I think I am finally letting go. I just don’t care about his garbage anymore and am letting him deal with his own side of the street and honestly I feel like a weight has lifted( especially not analysing every single little thing) and just focusing on me. As a very newbie to this whole thing don’t waste your time or energy overthinking his every move or action. Honestly who even knows what your H is thinking I bet he even doesn’t know. Get some boundaries up. Oh my gosh when I had no boundaries it was horrible. H basically ran the show and because I was being super critical and analysing everything I let him do whatever he wanted and I did absolutely everything in as far as chores and kids. Gosh was that a mistake. Get some solid boundaries up( he will sulk that’s for sure and get angry) but honestly you don’t deserve to be treated like this and be made to feel paranoid
In as far as the XW and what’s going on there I have zero advice there sorry. Hopefully someone else does. It sounds like he’s living a bit or the best life at the moment and the best of both worlds. Maybe you need to throw a spanner in the works and not be his standby
M:41 H:48 T:20. M:16.5 BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023
