It gets better. It’s going to be alright, you just have to be patient.
Imagine you’ve just gone to Disneyland. Your H has climbed aboard the tallest, fastest, most unsafe and decrepit rollercoaster and it’s just pulling out of the boarding station. His carriage has started the chain lift to the top to begin the thrill ride. Let’s name that rollercoaster, I dunno, “MLC” or “Affair Partner”.
He’s calling out to to you from his carriage as he goes up the hill. Telling you it’s going to be great. He doesn’t need the safety of the ground or you.
So you start yelling at the top of your voice to him and the ride operator: “I want to go on the ride with him!” “Reverse the carriage back into the station!” “I should never have agreed to come to Disneyland!” “You’re supposed to be down here with me!” “It’s really dangerous! You don’t know what you’re doing!” “Accelerate the ride so it’s finished in 5 seconds, not 5 minutes!” *Shakes fence violently*
As you scream hysterically from the ground, what effect do you think your words or actions are going to have? Will the carriage suddenly stop and reverse back in? After waiting months/years for this exciting ride, will he suddenly decide he wants to get off and stand next to you on the ground?
Absolutely nothing you do or say is going to make one bit of difference. He decided months/years ago this is what he wanted to do.
All you can do is stand there and wait for the ride to finish, and it will seem like an eternity.
And chances are, when the ride ends and his carriage finally pulls into the station, he might be so addicted he wants to go again.
And maybe, by the time the ride is finished and he wants to get off, he might find you’ve got sick of his s*** and you’re no longer there waiting for him.
That’s how this rollercoaster works. It’s just like divorce.
1. You can scream, shout, argue, beg, cry and try to control/manipulate the situation (and make zero impact) - or you can accept there’s nothing you can do to stop the ride from happening.
2. You can stand there and waste your day (your life) waiting for him to come back, or you can realize you are at Disneyland (alive on the earth) and go find a million other fun things to do.
3. Perhaps, half way around the ride, he will see you on the other side of the park, driving dodgem cars or sliding down water slides, and he’ll decide Disneyland is more fun with you than without. He sure won’t want to get off the ride if you’re still there waiting for him in a puddle of tears.
Let him take his ride. Let it all go and live your life.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
