Hi DnJ, and thanks so much for welcoming me. I joined here in April but never posted until now. I did just read a lot on here and it's very good and useful information. Whenever I get too close to the cliff, meaning losing it and wanting to blast H for causing me so much pain, I take a deep breath, walk away with my phone and read and re-read posts. I have no one close to me who truly understands the MLC dynamics and I don't share too much with people who know H too. I only go into details with my therapist.
You asked if there were any triggers 12 to 24 months prior. He works in construction, has all his life, it is how he makes a living and has always supported his family. He tore his right rotator cuff while on a job in 2011 but recovered well. His shoulder held up for 10 years. I know he was in pain sometimes even though he never admitted it, he just kept going until 2021 when the pain got too intense and he finally saw his doctor. He had a shoulder replacement done and was advised to change occupation. I know that devastated him because construction is all he knows and it's all that he's ever done. He was the superintendent for a while but hated it because it was too much paperwork and stuff. He's hands on, wants to build and create. So now somebody tells him not to do that anymore! He got a driving job for a while making a lot less money. A few months later after fully recovering from the surgery he got into a maintenance tech position on the air force base here. Good, stable job but he does not like it either, wasn't happy and always got into arguments with coworkers. Then, just a few months ago, his left shoulder was bothering him, turned out it was arthritis and a small tear in that rotator cuff. Well, that tear got much larger when he had the skateboarding wipe out that I mentioned.
Another trigger could have been the ongoing issues he's had with ED. It humiliated him, he hated having to pop a pill before becoming intimate. He felt like less of a man and me reassuring him did not help much. He does have a lot of pride.
Another contributor could be the fact that our D, now 25, and our grandchild, 3 both are living with us. D and H do not get along well but she needs some support from us since the father is not in the picture.
I am continuing to read here and my books that, ironically, I have held onto for the last decade. Don't have Michele's books but working on that. I will continue to post but I'm so busy working and taking care of things without H. Now working on getting a second job since my income doesn't cover everything. Credit card bills are mounting! H will be going back to work in a few weeks but I'm not counting on his help. He makes far more money than I do but has not been spending it wisely to say the least.