Thanks Pattnee for your lovely words. I absolutely don't know about the inspiration stuff. It's a damn hard journey but the people on here have kept me on the straight and narrow. I'm still learning & still seeking support for specific things that arise (hence latest post)
I think I've said to you before that your situation is harder than mine in many respects because your H is so present in your lives. My real change and proper detachment came when mine went no contact. It allowed me to fully focus on me without the constant triggers to the trauma he had caused. I used this time to build up my own life resources, which ultimately have led to me feeling happy. It's an emotion that has been absent in my life for a long time, sadly long before BD, which does lead me to reflect on BD not being the worst thing ever but an opportunity for growth and self discovery.
H has contacted me this morning to cancel our meet on Wednesday. He said he doesn't want to hurt me more & needs more time. I think this is also a sign of his own IC having an impact. I don't feel sad or churned up that he has cancelled. I just hope he has the support that I've had to help him work through the loss of his affair relationship breakdown. I think once he's over his limerance then his real work will begin when he fully processes everything he has given up for the affair. I worry about the impact of this on his mental health.
I genuinely think you're doing fantastic Pattnee & you are learning from all your little blips. Keep reflecting, keep being open to change and remembering that time is on your side. Nothing is forever. 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in each hour. Just focus on small chunks of time on the bad days. Sending hugs
