MLC monster has caught up with me again..

[Love4Him]

Hello everyone,
first I want to say I am so very sorry for everyone going through the pain of dealing with a spouse in MLC, I feel for each one of you deeply.

I am new to this forum. My H went through MLC in 2010 till about halfway into 2013 so roughly 2 1/2 years. I got my support from a different forum back then and tried to get back in but was unsuccessful. I do no longer have my login info and contacting them did not work, nobody replied to me.

So anyway, H has been very distant since the end of last year. I finally voiced my concern in March, asked him why he was so distant, didn't talk much, very moody and no physical contact with me other than quick kiss goodbye when going to work. He kept looking at the TV saying he's been stressed and tired lately but didn't want to talk about it. The next couple days were not pretty until I realized by his actions and words that it was all too familiar with what we had already gone through a decade earlier.

I got the ILYBNILWY spreech in 2010, he never left, never had OW just a lot of wooing old classmate on Facebook and such. I went through hell and back just like pretty much everyone of you here until I finally accepted and started to detach. He slept on the couch and we lived separate lives as much as you can while living under the same roof. We still talked and took care of things and our kids were 11 and 3 at the time. I honestly can't even remember much of that time period now, I guess I blocked it out or something like that.

His brother came to live with us for a while and they got into a fight in which my H, drunk and all, pulled out his gun (not loaded) to scare his brother and his brother called the cops. Long story short, he was booked into the county jail and had to sit there until I bailed him out 5 days later because I had to get the money to make bail. We were down and out at that time because H had lost his job and I was a stay at home mom. So $1000 was a lot to come up with. I had to pawn our car.

So anyway, he had a life changing experience in jail (!!), had to make friends with some questionable characters in order to make it in there okay. My H had no previous record, never got into trouble his entire life plus he's short and skinny! I helped him getting through all the court stuff and was present at hearings which was important according to his attorney. H only had to go through an anger management class plus the days he had already "served" and he got off that way.

Timeline is a blur, like I said, but I distinctively remember him coming towards me saying "This was stupid!" and he hugged and kissed me. And believe it or not, we just left it at that and moved forward as if nothing had happened. So that was one of the biggest mistakes I made, not talking about the 2 1/2 years at all and just moving on with our lives. Now that it is happening all over again I regret that because I might have missed a chance to make sure this was never ever going to happen again. I had no idea that it even could! But here we are.... and looking back I am realizing so much that I simply brushed off and never gave it another thought. He was never quite the same again.

Now, after months of dissecting and thinking about things I am even almost convinced that he never completely finished his MLC just "paused" it if that is even possible. He does not remember anything from that time a decade ago, nothing, but he asked me recently if I remember that he had asked me for a divorce. I was baffled by that.

I have not had the "speech"/bomb drop" as of yet unless that was it when I asked him in March about him being distant, not touching me, etc. I just don't know. But, since that day, he has been falling deeper and deeper down the MLC slide until "it" was finished, he was gone, transformation complete, whatever you want to call it. I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about.

At first he was still somewhat receptive, we had a talk, I told him to please not shut me out and I would be by his side if he needed me. He held my hand and said he did not want to hurt me. But of course that's exactly what he's been doing since. He's closed off now, only one time I lost it and cried and said that he will always have my heart but his eyes were weird like he could not comprehend what I had said and then he said "your face is all red". That's when I finally realized how far gone he was.

There were only a couple more times when he seemed to have a moment. He held his head and said "my brain is going crazy" and another time he was drinking and had the glorious idea to skate down to his buddy's house (he used to be into skateboarding when younger and yes he has bought himself a new skateboard and is at it again at almost 57 years old) and made a crash landing which was caught on a neighbors ring camera. Tore his rotator cuff and had to have surgery. Anyway, as I was saying, he called me because he had lost his way in the neighborhood and could not find his way home. It was night time. I told him to stay put and I would go find him and I did. That's when he grabbed my hand and said "You are MY wife!"

In the months preceding this event he had always accused me of cheating with one of my coworkers to a point where he was making things up in his head. The guy was young enough to be my son! But he got so bad with it that I was screaming at him wanting a divorce because I could not live with knowing my husband of 26 years thought I was capable of such a thing and that he obviously had no trust in me.

I do think this was also connected to MLC. There was absolutely no reason for him to believe I was cheating on him. But in his crazy head there was plenty. He even woke me up at night saying "the truth will set you free" and crap like that. I was livid. And on top of that I was struggling with my own menopausal symptoms and a teenage son going through stuff. So yes!! I am borderline crazy right now and the only thing keeping me from crossing the line is GOD helping me through all this [censored]. I am so grateful I found Him in my darkest times when the first MLC was going on.

I know this post is getting long so I will let it be for now. Please, any thoughts, anyTHING will be appreciated. I do not have much support here right now. Doing my best at doing what is advised and what I did 13 years ago, I don't talk relationship at all, no questions, no nothing, I just let him be and let him do his own thing. It seems to be working. At least there is no conflict, he even seems his normal self UNLESS he's drinking, that's when Monster comes out... he will only express his hurt and anger when he's drinking.

Thank you everyone!