Her: “Can we talk?” You: “I’m cooking my dinner, and then I’m going out to see a friend/to the gym/for a run.”
That’s it 🤷♂️
Every time you engage, you lose. You can never say the right thing. No-one on DB.com can teach you what to say, how to “win” these conversations or what are the “right things” to say to get your spouse back. It can’t be done.
If they say “I feel like…” you say “okay, it sounds like you’re feeling…” and then you leave. Validate and leave.
If they ask for a conversation or interaction, the answer should always be “I have plans”.
She has filed, lawyers are engaged on both sides. She expects me to be working on financial statements next week. This conversation did not touch on winning her back. At all. That's the reason I avoided explaining why my sister is upset with her, because that would have resulted in bringing up the core issues again.
So whenever she wants to talk settlement terms, I should simply refuse and walk out. Believe me, I'd be more than happy to do that, but at the same time, constantly putting up roadblocks, stalling, and avoiding that topic could end up making for a less favorable settlement on my end.
Yes, I know marriages have come back later than this.
Needy behaviors and pleading were cut off long ago. I am trying to find a balance between working toward the desired outcome (not getting divorced) and the likely outcome (getting divorced and being able to survive afterward).
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
