Thank you DnJ, Pattnee5 and Ready2Change for commenting/supporting me. It's lovely to know folks are looking out for me and know what I'm going through AGAIN. C SWEARS he's not having another affair but it sure feels like it! One of you asked my age--I am 67 and he is 68.
It's been a heck of a day. C's got a dental appointment tomorrow and the dental office called our landline to remind him last night. He is supposed to transfer money for the roofer from our savings account into our joint checking account before I can get the contract to the contractor and the tear-off/roof replacement can be scheduled. The roofer called this afternoon to ask if we accepted his bid--it's all very much the business I agreed to handle but I need the money to do it. I texted Sunday--after we agreed on Saturday that's what we'd do-- to ask him him to let me know when he did the transfer. Nada. I just sat on it--180 ya know--and waited for him. I texted this morning after the roofer called, reminded him about the dental appointment and asked if he transferred the money. Nothing all day and I was getting FURIOUS because it's raining today, tomorrow and the next day. I just want to get 'er done. I wanted to text again (read NAG) to remind him but stopped myself. He finally texted later in the afternoon he was doing the transfer after work and thanked me for reminding him about the dentist. Then he texted a pix of the receipt. I thanked him and said I'd call the roofer in the morning. I will NOT text after I give the contract and deposit to the roofer or tell C when the it's scheduled. We have a couple's counseling session scheduled on Friday and will tell him when I see him. In fact, if he texts to ask about the roof arrangements, I will NOT respond.
Thank you for the Newcomers (I feel like an Oldcomer!) info, especially the Lighthouse piece, it's lovely. I've often thought I am something similar--his safe harbor--when things are stressful, and he's a surgeon so things DO get stressful at times. Being the Lighthouse, guiding him with my light through choppy and rough waters. The Lighthouse is always there--and I am struggling with that right now--but when you've ALWAYS been the Lighthouse, always been there, waiting and waiting--I often call myself the "Lady-in-Waiting"--it's difficult to continue when it's never been acknowledged or appreciated and now suddenly, "not needed." But the Lighthouse remains, always there and always faithful and that's me, always faithful when C hasn't deserved my faithfulness. Am so sad.
I've made a lovely home for him and our boys and this is their place to be welcomed and loved and taken care of BUT it's not that way for me. I made the home for them but their needs take precedence over mine. Our couples therapist observed that I've been protecting C and our children for YEARS but no one is protecting me, not even ME. That is something I am working on--protecting myself and it's tougher than I imagined. C mentioned in our last session, one of the reasons he left is he wanted to punish me. Why? I am not exactly sure but am going to bring that up on Friday. I have my own therapist--for trauma and PSTD--on Thursday.
