I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Sunflyer]

I imagine he was waiting for me to beg and scream and when I didn’t and just talked amicably.
Anyway I am just feeling a bit of a proud moment how much better I am handling myself face to face. It was always so hard before.

This is a big step and very important. Shutting down those reactions that aren't going to help you. Very tough to do but you are handling it!

Behind closed doors I have had tears in the arms of family and friends. Never in front of the kids and usually can dust myself off within a few minutes and keep going. the hollow numbness inside is what’s hard. I have been giving him a very wide berth. I just keep telling myself to keep swimming for now. Kids are happy I am making sure I and around them all the time and it’s amazing how healing they are ❤️‍🩹

Nothing wrong with letting out the frustration where he won't see or hear it. The kids are a BIG help in keeping your mood up. I know mine are helping me. Keep swimming is all we can do.

One of the things I find useful for me is to mentally picture myself doing something I enjoy without her. Then I try to do it at the earliest opportunity. I also try to picture my future as content and happy even if she is not involved in it. I picture myself continuing to do those things I like, seeing my kids often and catching up with them, and sometimes I even picture myself with a new love. I don't know when I would be ready for something like that, but I find that I can picture it, I don't feel guilty about it, and it is a good, positive thought. And I cling to anything good and positive right now.

I realize this may not all work for you. But use whatever positive thoughts you feel comfortable with. They really do help.