I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Pattnee5]

Wanted to check in again. Been very up and down the last few days. Spoken to lawyer a few times and H a few times too about things. Made sure I put my “acquaintance “ face on when dealing with H face to face. I feel very empty even looking at him now.almost numb inside. I think I shocked H quite a few times too with the way I handled myself so maturely and calmly. I imagine he was waiting for me to beg and scream and when I didn’t and just talked amicably.
Anyway I am just feeling a bit of a proud moment how much better I am handling myself face to face. It was always so hard before . I think I’ve noticed I am letting go. I don’t care or think about where he is what he might be doing when and if I will hear from him. All the stuff I used to cling to before.

Behind closed doors I have had tears in the arms of family and friends. Never in front of the kids and usually can dust myself off within a few minutes and keep going. the hollow numbness inside is what’s hard. I have been giving him a very wide berth. I just keep telling myself to keep swimming for now. Kids are happy I am making sure I and around them all the time and it’s amazing how healing they are ❤️‍🩹