You are doing all of the right things. I'm glad you are finding your footing and are posting and reading the book. If your h is in mlc, he is going to be bouncing off the walls for a while. Confusion and depression are the main ingredients of a mlc. Usually it takes 18-24 months for them to enter the crisis and it generally happens after a death of a loved one or a close friend, promotion with additional pressures or a demotion, or an illness. Think back, did something happen with him during that time period? When this happens, they do not like authority and they will look at us as parents who tend to hinder them in what they want to do (or so they think).
Generally, a childhood trauma has been stuffed down and will raise its ugly head when the crisis comes calling. It could have been abuse of any kind, lack of validation, another child loved more than him/her, etc. We can't fix them because we didn't break them. They have to be the ones to figure it out.
They also project a lot and if you listen closely, they tend to tell on themselves. All you can do is get out of their way and just leave them to it. One thing...be sure you are watching all of your financial stuff. I would set up a separate bank account and if there is any way to get your name off the joint accounts, the better. Why? Because they do tend to go on spending sprees as well.
Keep posting. Dig deeper for patience and please know, that you didn't cause this crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
