I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Pattnee5]

I forgot to mention too I think I just had an epiphany today to post my tears when I felt much better and did some stuff for me. I think I am finally detaching properly 😂 and I def have been not detaching enough the last few months and def not DB properly.
I think now I am finally DB properly as my sole focus is me and my kids now. I finally no longer want to even waste an ounce of my strength on even trying to help/fix H and I think for so long while I was DB as best as I could I felt like I stumbled my way through. I think now I may just actually get it. He will never come out of his cave if I’m standing by the entrance trying to help him out. Thinking back now to his seesaw mixed messages for months on end it’s become a pattern. I think I am finally walking away from that cave with the kids and moving on with our current life.
Deep down I know I still have hope, you often hear so many stories. I only just found out last night a dear friend said her parents separated for 3 years when she was 15 and rekindled for life.
I think before my “hope” was more than hope it was clinging for dear life waking up each morning hoping it was the day he would come home.
Now my hope is just that he finds what he’s looking for and hopefully we cross our paths again
It’s a strange relief almost ( except I haven’t been a wonderful db’er but I can see that so much clearly now