I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Pattnee5]

If your goal is 100% still to reconcile, to be frank, him running away overseas gives you a better chance. If he’s around you with a slow, painful divorce and remains unhappy, he can keep blaming you. If he disappears overseas for a year in a new job, with few friends, maybe has an affair and then he’s still unhappy - he may realise it wasn’t your fault and then arrive back home with his tail between his legs.

The slow burn divorce often cements it as a final outcome, because they build resentment for having to stay around or be involved when they want out. IMHO, a lot more MLC or affair driven crises would resolve in eventual reconciliation if the LBS kicked them onto the street on bomb day and WAS/WS disappeared overseas for a year. To that end, I don’t think him disappearing is the worst thing that could happen for chances of reconciliation.


Hang in there. This is the worst it will be, and from this point, life will slowly get better. Be the strongest, most stable Mum you can be. Unwavering in your support of your kids, never criticising their Dad, being their absolute rock.
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Thanks for this Kind. I think today I am having just one of those days where all the emotions are flooding me. I keep questioning and punishing myself through tears “why did i hurt him so much in the past when I loved him so much” “ why was I unfaithful” “why didn’t I pick up the last few years he wasn’t himself and speak to him more” I have some serious cases today of being down in the absolute dumps now it’s over. Even questioning if it even is a MLC or if I have just gone searching for a problem so I can fix it. At the end of the day I did hurt him I did break his heart and he deserves to walk away from his painful situation. My mum always says I want things yesterday and I am not patient.He said yesterday he was just so worn down after being hurt time and time again and it’s ground him right down. I feel so absolutely horrible for my side of things and while I have apologised acknowledged and worked on growth and change, it’s too late.

Is my goal to reconcile? Well ultimately yes but not in this current environment. Not stepping back into the same marriage with the same mistakes and complacencies setting in and this happening again in the future. I wanted a new beginning, to shelve the old marriage and the last 20 years, and start a new book together for our next 20 years of mid to later life.

However I know I need to let him go now. I know how deep my love for him goes, I have learnt so much about how deeply I love him for the last 7 months since BD and my resilience and persistence and my continued support and commitment. But I do know I have to let him go now and set the one I love free. And it is the absolute hardest and worst feeling in this world. I can hold my head high that I fought for H until the end and I dug the deepest I could. I know I could never fix him or fix us unless he was willing too and he wasn’t.

Hang in there. This is the worst it will be, and from this point, life will slowly get better. Be the strongest, most stable Mum you can be. Unwavering in your support of your kids, never criticising their Dad, being their absolute rock.
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This is my absolute motto and focus now. I am spent on energy on H and now it’s all to be the kids rock and pillar and I certainly will do it with pride and dignity. I too think this may be a good thing for him to find himself again. Unfortunately being around the same environment complacency and routine set in. If this is what he chooses he needs for his life I have to respect that and his decision and know he his making the best decision for himself, while I now make the best decision for me.

Thankyou db team, it’s nice to get stuff off my chest to people who have walked in my shoes