H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[KangaB]

Sorry! I’m replying to myself, not sure how to use everything for posting yet.

These are the things that I have been doing since finding Divorce Busting and even months before (DB has validated some of the things I have started doing and more so):

- I have read up on 180’s, detaching etc
- I am starting to do new things such as learning Karate, getting in contact with old friends, buying new clothes and looking the best I can at all times in front of H including excellent hygiene
- I am a bit quieter and do not talk as much as I used to and let H bring up conversations.
- I’m validating him and listening to him even when I don’t agree
I’ve stopped putting myself in front of H’s spew and vitriol and will get off the phone, leave the room etc
- I don’t mention EW and I say I don’t want to talk about her today, tonight etc
- I have tried not to react; but, have got angry and ranted twice since newly DBing
- I don’t initiate phone calls or texts unless it is to do with business stuff
- I try to be upbeat and fun when we are together
- I don’t make much eye contact nor try and get H’s attention. I’m slightly aloof and mysterious in front of him
- I don’t snoop (used to a few years back) and don’t react and ask about texts and contact he has with EW
- I leave him well alone when he is angry. Used to follow him around to try and cajole him out of a mood. I used to pull funny faces as if I was in front of a toddler. Sometimes it worked and H welcomed it and other times it didn’t. No more
- I don’t talk to SIL about this anymore.
- I’m not trying to fix anything or any part of H’s life
- I pretend to be confident and capable
- I say ‘you could be right’, ‘I was wrong’. I also say ‘I hear you, I get it, I understand’
- I stand tall and don’t cower when he is yelling at me until he backs away and sits down
- I thank H for little things he does and praise him for all of his good work and efforts on various things
- I am more engaging with SD than I have been for a long time
- I ignore EW, I don’t say hello nor make eye contact. I have blocked her from phone and email

So far, H has accused me of having an A because he can’t work out what is going on. H, when in the marriage is a lot more loving and attentive. H, has picked a few more fights over minor things. Such as when I got a date wrong on the calendar to do with a Money situation. I know about Extinction Bursts; but, hard to decipher in my R.