Sorry you’ve had a rubbish time Pattnee. Know we’re all here and we’ve all been there. You’re not alone!
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The fact he has entertained this idea even is absolute lunacy to me.
Here’s your old friend back again - expectation.
For a normal person, you’d expect them to identify this is a dumb move.
But for a MLC, crazy, possibly cheating WAS, this is completely normal behaviour.
You still need to keep working on this with your IC. You should expect that next week he will blame you on his social media, buy a MLC sports car, arrive with an 18yo girlfriend on his arm, and disappear overseas never to contact his kids for 6-12 months. You should expect him to continue to do dumb s*** and not be surprised or broken hearted by it.
He’s not doing it TO you. He’s just a person in deep emotional turmoil. He’s reached a point in his life where he is unhappy with himself, his decisions, his trajectory or something like that…. And he’s running away from facing it.
It just so happens that the easiest way for nearly all WAS/WS to do that is to (in their own mind) convince themselves that it’s not because they’re unhappy, but because it’s something external to them. Normally they land on blaming their spouse, so they’ll run as fast as they can in the other direction. Running overseas on a whim totally fits that narrative.
If your goal is 100% still to reconcile, to be frank, him running away overseas gives you a better chance. If he’s around you with a slow, painful divorce and remains unhappy, he can keep blaming you. If he disappears overseas for a year in a new job, with few friends, maybe has an affair and then he’s still unhappy - he may realise it wasn’t your fault and then arrive back home with his tail between his legs.
The slow burn divorce often cements it as a final outcome, because they build resentment for having to stay around or be involved when they want out. IMHO, a lot more MLC or affair driven crises would resolve in eventual reconciliation if the LBS kicked them onto the street on bomb day and WAS/WS disappeared overseas for a year. To that end, I don’t think him disappearing is the worst thing that could happen for chances of reconciliation.
The problem eventually becomes that you by the time he may wake up you will have decided you don’t want to be with someone so flippant and hurtful and selfish. I’d say the majority of non-reconciled members on this forum would refuse if their ex arrived begging for another chance.
Hang in there. This is the worst it will be, and from this point, life will slowly get better. Be the strongest, most stable Mum you can be. Unwavering in your support of your kids, never criticising their Dad, being their absolute rock.
Let his dumpster fire burn. The only way anything changes is if he alone has an epiphany.
