I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Sunflyer]

I guess we can clean up our Side of the boat as much as we can but for as long as they aren’t doing their part too the marriage is doomed.

Bingo. That's the point. Both persons are in the same boat. When one decides not to fix their side, and just points to the leak in the other, they both drown.

When one always says, "It can't be done," "You don't make me happy anymore," etc., they are shooting themselves in the foot.

So the other has to go on improving, for their own sake.

I still feel sometimes “what if I did this” or “ what if I did that” I am still learning to not be so critical of things.

Yeah, don't bother with this. Just putting a bigger hole in your side of the boat. We are all limited by what we know to do at the time. And there's no guarantee that if something had been done differently, the outcome would have been any different.

After all this is all his decision he is just incapable of taking any action or the reigns right now. So should I take the reins? I think I know the answer is no I don’t and let him do his heavy lifting now.

Let him drive it. I understand this apparent indecision is maddening, with him just keeping things in limbo. But make him own what happens. I just got the letter from my wife's lawyer, so this is reality for me now. She had to make the first move, and she'll have to initiate everything else.