This is a really good place to vent. Getting those angry emotions out and off your chest will likely lessen you taking some actions you later might have chosen not to.
Do speak with a lawyer and find out your rights, and the likely default arrangements you’re looking at. Alimony may provide enough to keep the house. Maybe you don’t buy him out, rather you can assume the mortgage (or the necessary portion of it). To that end, speak with your bank and learn what your options are. You might be able to swing more liability than you realize. Or, you choose that you don’t want to. Always good to know what’s what. Knowledge is power.
You are divorce busting very well. Do not take on H’s view. Your path need not be dictated by H’s feelings and words. Let him own his decision. Let him to the heavy lifting.
H’s talking is just the script these folks seem to follow. You said it yourself: Believe nothing he says, and only half of what he does.
A year or two ago H didn’t feel like this. And his feelings changed. His feelings could will change again. Whether he will acknowledge that, or lean into that, or keep running from that, I don’t know.
There is still hope my dear. Yes, let H go. Give him to God’s hands. H needs a lot of work.
You, continue moving forward. You, find you. You, stand for you. Stand for those values and convictions you hold most dear. Invest the time to discover what and how that looks to you.
This also gives time and space to your situation. Remember, you’ve got the gift of time, use it well. Allow the future to unfold, no need to rush it along. What H is sure of today, he questions tomorrow. His mind is a ping pong match.
Stay strong. And hold your head high, you are doing great!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
