I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Sunflyer]

I did get sad this evening and had a small cry. I couldn’t help it the man who showered me with flowers and affection for so many years and now silence. I am selfish to even expect a token or anything, but just another cross against him in my books that he isn’t who he was and I don’t want this version.

This is a guy speaking and when this first hit, I bawled like an infant. I haven't cried like that in ages. Maybe when my mother passed. And before she did, I remember my wife said to her, "I'll take care of your son." Wonder what my mom would think now, of the promise W made to her. No shame in expressing what we feel, ever! W made me feel like the luckiest man in the universe. Couldn't believe I was hers. But yeah, the current version just s***ks.

Hey I do NOT deserve this, I do not want this version of my H, I deserve so much better than this.

You are absolutely right. Never forget it. This situation really messed with my self-esteem when it started. But now, oddly, I feel my self-worth getting stronger. She has been lucky to have me, flaws, mistakes, and all. Hard-working, gentle, never unfaithful, always provided for our family, tried to make her feel like the sexiest woman alive, even if she didn't believe it herself (and it seems she never did). I look around at how some people treat their SOs, and I'd say my stock is pretty high. We all deserve better than we are getting.