I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Pattnee5]

Thanks Kind for that, and keeping me in check 😄😄. So very true I do apologise a lot, I think I have spent months since Bd just constant apologising too and I hate that for me.
I completely agree now about spending less time beer or with him. I just have no desire anymore to keep doing the same dance to be honest. I am exhausted. I am spent. I feel so much lighter and better when I don’t have to see H and be reminded of his mess and lack of doing anything.
So taking that on board now and going to keep an extremely wide berth. He wants “ space” and feels “smothered”( even though it was all him initiating on his terms), well then I’ll just remove myself from his picture

Had a great day with kids kids today did a lot of stuff, went for a run( have started running again and will try and work toward training for another half marathon in December) dinner out. I did get sad this evening and had a small cry. I couldn’t help itX the man who showered me with flowers and affection for so many years and now silence. I am selfish to even expect a token or anything, but just another cross against him in my books that he isn’t who he was and I don’t want this version.

I am much more at peace now. Today really did hurt me. In the past I would have been resistant to pull right back I would have allowed him to come and go again and play his game. Today sits different to the last few months. It’s almost like I have had an awakening to this all. Hey I do NOT deserve this, I do not want this version of my H, I deserve so much better than this. I’ve lost a lot of respect and hope.

I’m sorry for coming on here and venting. I feel I need to get it out ro people who get it and have walked in my shoes and don’t just brush MLc and all this aside.
Thanks for all your advide, guidance, pushing and and keeping me going. The lighthouse still remains it’s just done focusing on a broken ship now