I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Sunflyer]

We wouldn’t push away that comfort if there wasn’t someone else.

I have wondered about this. I don't have the motivation or resources to try to find out what she does every moment that we are not together. I have always trusted her implicitly. Perhaps, when we get to the endgame of all this, I will address it and hope she respects me enough to give me an honest answer.

It was a horrible place for me to be and in a way I do deserve what I am going through now.

The way I see it, he forgave you. Which, of course, he did for his own inner peace. He recognized that holding onto any anger he felt was not healthy for him. He could have forgiven you but still said he wanted to end the marriage. He did not. Now he is awakening that old anger because it may be convenient for him. That is not your fault; that is his. You have suffered enough guilt already. Plus he is obviously suffering from clinical depression, which requires help. And as you well know, you can only lead the horse to water.

Advice you are getting on your anniversary is spot on. Mine was a little over a week ago. I did nothing. W did acknowledge it to me, but not in a way that made me feel good. I replied, "I haven't forgotten what day it is" and left it at that.