Your week away sounded great! Sun, good food, and pampered. D probably loved it too!
As for H, these folks can display some bizarre behaviours.
Originally Posted by MA1970
What is this all about? Is it anchor checking? Part of depression? Wanting to stamp his rights on the house?
Likely a bit of each, and more.
For sure H has periods of being depressed. And walking around a house he used to live in, feeling those ghost of older/different times, would stir plenty within him.
I’d suspect he got a big dose of feeling the loss of you and the M, something most spouses run from and do not face. As you said, H does tend to bury his head in the sand when he can get away with it.
The inquires H made regarding you, through daughter, sounds like anchor checking. Trying to see, trying to ensure, you are still upon the shelf. Of course, you haven’t been upon a shelf for quite some time. You are living, and not at his beck and call. The leaving spouse often expecting / assuming the LBS will pine for them. You having a luxury vacation likely skewed his view of things.
Originally Posted by MA1970
Logically, he knows we have a video doorbell and I have access to it. Feels like he's baiting me?
He could be. However, my gut “feels” like H would be more overt in effort to elicit a response from you. I think you may just be seeing how bizarre his life is. (The unvarnished glimpses into my XW’s life and her behaviour makes one’s head shake in bewilderment.)
Originally Posted by MA1970
How should I respond? D's prom is this week & I don't want to cause upset before the prom. Should I just ignore it & get the locks changed & not have him pet sit in the future? Should I confront him & lay my boundaries down? Any advice?
How to respond. Firstly, and most importantly, daughter’s prom!
Then…
Yes, ignore it, and get the doorbell changed. And I’d not ask H to pet sit in the future. Make other arrangements for kitty’s care.
In my opinion, this specific incident is not boundary worthy. Save such for if/when disrespectful behaviours occur.
I agree with Kind, you are doing well; measured, reasonable, and thought out responses/actions. You are in control of you!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
