Acceptance

[Sunflyer]

W asked me out for a recreational evening. I had time available so I accepted and we met out in nature. Partway into our activities, W said,”Hey it’s been a long time of limbo now, I think it’s time we start telling people we are separated.” I replied, “I’m good with the number of people I have told, but if you need to tell someone, you can do that.” I asked if there was anything she needed clarity on with the sense of limbo. She said I just need to be able to tell people, like so when people ask me about you, I can say, “We’re separated. Ask him.” I said, “ok”

She let me know that she has ghosted some of her closest long time friends who have been reaching out to her because she hadn’t been wanting to talk about us. I said I can see how that could be difficult. She went on to say that she hasn’t wanted to trigger an “intervention” from others. I said that I didn’t think I would enjoy an intervention either. She went on to say that if people haven’t cared to reach out to her by now, then it says a lot. I didn’t really know how to respond to that.

...

At that point, she started to own up to some of the ways she contributed to a poor marriage and didn’t show me respect. I listened. She told me that she is still trying to get IC. She went on to tell me a lot about the hopes and dreams and disappointments that she had had for our marriage and for herself.

So yeah, talks and engagement. I don’t know if I am happy I agreed to go out with her or not but it happened. It certainly was uncomfortable. There was no discussion of her affair, or the anniversary or really anything concrete or clear about the future.

I can see how this kind of talk would be uncomfortable. But I have to say, I wish my W had this kind of talk with me. We aren't separated (yet), but it's become increasingly evident that she has discussed the state of our marriage with pretty much all of her family at this point, as well as at least some friends, and even at least one member of my family, all without telling me or asking if it's okay.

It appears that one of her coworkers is also egging her on, telling her "You're my hero" and "I am with you every step of the way" as far as dumping me is concerned.

I've owned up to my part in the situation, but she hasn't acknowledged anything specific on her end that has made things the way they are. (I can think of a few things she should own up to).

You seem to be establishing something of a good life for yourself outside of her. That is to be commended.