I'm Back! (3)

[Ready2Change]

She said 'so your idea is to live as roommates for the next 5-10 years?'

H:"I don't believe either one of us would be happy living like that."


Again, having these type of discussion is never good. You can't talk your way out of this. Emotional validation needs to be part of your new responses. I am sure there are better ways than the way I stated it. It is about how she feels. She is unhappy. Validate that. You were also unhappy about the state of the relationship.

She looks at you like a roommate. There is no attraction. This can change if you change the way you interact with her. You can build sexual tension with her. Really hard at this point in the process. It will be 1000 little things that you do. You are emotionally involved in this, which makes it hard to behave the proper way. Just one example of building sexual tension: Having fun interacting with her while she is angry...A twinkle in your eye.

You could go down this path:
H" You are right, living as roommates is the last thing I want."
You are agreeing with her.

Tone, inflection facial expressions and body language are all important as well while keeping any hint of anger away from your behavior during the interaction.


Other topics will come up. Always perfectly fine to defer:

"I am not sure"
"I have not thought about that"
"I have not decided yet"
"I do not have time to discuss this now"
"I am still thinking"


Listening:

"I understand you feel that way"
"It must be hard to feel that way"
"that must be hard to feel that way"
"I imagine...."


Another one:
"We both deserve to be happy"

You also can't be a broken record with these. But if you understand the idea, much easier to come up with the right response in the moment.


Got to the gym and channel your anger into getting ripped. Yell and curse in your car in a safe location. We all have repressed emotions that need to come out. Best to do that before interacting with W. Forgiving her is powerful for your own personal growth during this.