Just like Terapin, your story is the same as mine. With the exception being I knew there was an OM. The advice you are getting is spot on. I'm almost 14 months post bd, so I'm no expert. Having said that, I went through everything you are now and can tell you how it worked out for me. Post bd I became super husband-cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. Problem is, I already did my fair share, she was just rewriting history. It didn't work. She told me at one point I had become the perfect husband. Whatever. Perfect meaning the only one doing anything. Ended that and went back to doing my fair share, no more. She thought maybe we try an in home separation. Fine, feel free to move into the basement because I'm not leaving my bed. She didn't. Eventually she wanted to separate so she could decide between me and him. I told her I didn't want that however if she was set on separating I was not leaving my home and kids. So she moved in with her parents. Eventually, about a month later, I told her I would no longer share my wife with another man. Told her she had 24 hours to decide. Mind you I had not found this site yet and would have probably been told that I was being controlling. Doesn't matter. I was mentally exhausted and at the time it seemed like the best option. Surprisingly she came home. For many months things were bad and I felt like we were living on borrowed time. I adopted the attitude of not wanting to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. Things got better for me. All of this was to say-listen and use the advice you are receiving. You may not save your marriage. You can save you. Good luck. Also, typing these things I realize I said like Mr. Tough Guy doing all the hard, correct things. Far from it. The night she moved out was the hardest day of my life. Actually telling her to leave because I wasn't about killed me. I've been on here spilling my guts to complete strangers just to help with the pain. It isn't easy and it hurts. Just know that you are doing the right things to help you no matter how wrong it feels.
