I'm definitely thinking there's someone else in the picture now. She's hellbent on getting this done, and as quickly as possible. Maybe that's why she's willing to not fight me on a lot of things. She wants this done and over with before I find out about OM, and go after her retirement, spousal support, etc?
What’s an OM got to do with you deciding if you want/need spousal and/or child support? Such payments are not to be a punishment. Nor is the waiving of such rights to be a reward. It’s 50/50. Then you negotiate from there. If you (and her) want to waive spousal support payments and her pension, what is it you are willing to accept in lieu thereof?
If you are ok with waiving the support. Do it as if there is an OM. Although, I’d likely not give up child support so her and him can spent it on themselves. That likely would include not giving up other rights without alternative concessions too.
Her wanting to tell son of the pending divorce also sounds that an OM may be lurking. A possible narrative, and introduction of OM, would be he and her met after you and her decided to break up.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Her saying I was never a 'nice husband, how she knew I'd be too content to ever 'pull the plug' on the M (which is why she has to do it), etc. She went on about how our son will be better off, not growing up in a household with no love.
Right off the script, isn’t it? She is projecting, blaming, and justifying. She doesn’t want to face/feel what she’s doing. Nor why she is doing. The why being the underlying reason(s) for her unhappiness. Not her unhappiness in and of itself.
Such is the path she is on. Denying, ignoring, not realizing, the why she feels like she does. In time, she may figure it out. Or she may not. Not your monkeys, not your circus.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Her custody agreement was basically a 2-2-3, but her getting an extra weekday a week. I asked her what happened to her 2-2-5 idea, and she pulled out a handwritten schedule that she made. It was the 2-2-5, and completely 50/50. She said her lawyer originally wanted to give her two extra days per week and she told him no. She also said her L told her to expect to possibly pay me CS and SS if it's 50/50. I still doubt it would be worth the time and aggravation to go after that though.
I’d suggest not accepting anything less than 50/50 custody. The default of splitting assets is 50/50 as well. There really is not much time or aggravation, since you aren’t really going after it. It’s the default starting point.
She’s twisting this about T. Talk with, and listen to your lawyer. Know what you want, what’s really important to you, and what you’re willing to let go. Following W’s advice is not a great idea. Remember, she is not on team Terapin right now.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Take her plan, cross out mother and write father. Do the same with mother, write father.
Yes. Love it!Definitely illustrates the fairness, and unfairness, of a deal.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Oh, one other little sidenote. Son had an appointment with an ENT today and is scheduled for surgery in 3 weeks. Yet the biggest thing on W's mind is telling him about the D asap.
Yep, spouses can get pretty self centered as they rush off to their shinny new life.
Be strong and stable, for you and son. Be son’s rock solid support during all of this. And for always when this is well behind you and him.
Best of luck with his upcoming surgery.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
