The written word has more a sense of permanence to it than a verbal discussion. Things written are more accurate than one’s recollection; be that intentionally or unintentionally misremembered. This also speaks to accountability; and having one’s words written, clearly spells out what you and her discussed and/or agreed to.
To that end, and in my view, it is really good to exchange proposals in written format. However, the negotiating - if she is willing to - is more efficient verbally. Basically, the first draft proposal from her is coming in writing. You review, and then talk with her about certain changes (if you have any you’d like). Speaking face to face allows you to better gauge her willingness of such negotiating, and allows you to better discover what she is truly after. You’d be surprised what folks hold dear, some forgoing custody or alimony for an upfront lump sum payment.
Of course, negotiations is when both parties can actually discuss things. There are some situations where one or both are at each other’s throats. Your situation is not that, and sounds like a verbal face to face discussion will be fruitful for fleshing out the ideas into an actual agreement.
After a wee back and forth (if necessary, depends on her proposal), the first draft is updated and sent to the other party. I’d likely ask her to update her proposal to the new and agreed upon terms. That places her accountable and allows her to feel more in control. (One’s spouse feeling in control increases their accepting of negotiation. If they feel they came up with the idea, it has a much better chance of success.) After she forwards you the next draft, review again. Repeat as necessary. She is pushing the proceedings, so let her do the heavy lifting.
Once you and her have a written, agreed to, document that covers the major stuff, speak with your lawyers. One (mostly likely her) of you would have their lawyer send a signed proposal to the other. Then the other carefully reviews - there will be things you and her didn’t likely consider or knew about that need to be addressed. Any changes would hopefully be small at this point, and there would be very little back and forth between the lawyers.
You only sign a proposal you agree with. Be it a proposal your lawyer is sending and offering for her signature, or a proposal her lawyer has sent for your signature. Once both of you (and your lawyers) have signed the proposal, the agreement is complete and binding.
Depending upon your locale the degree of “legally binding” at this point needs to be understood. My locale, this would be a separation agreement. Divorce would require a minimum one year cooldown period, before a divorce proposal could be offered by one party. Divorce does not automatically follow, one has to request it. That proposal is a similar proceeding as before. And the divorce proposal “could” have alterations to the previously agreed to separation agreement; hence the degree of binding caveat.
Once the divorce proposal is hashed out and signed by both, it is forwarded to the courts. After a judge has reviewed and signed, the agreement is then legally binding.
If a divorce is being sought and an agreement cannot be met, it can be requested to be taken to the courtroom where a ruling would be imposed. And this becomes legally binding.
Where I live, even this is not absolute. This divorce can still be re-opened. As more and more time passes, the risk/likelihood of such a request to the courts being granted becomes less and less. For example, one demanding their divorce agreement of two decades ago be redone is highly likely to be dismissed, then one of mere months ago. Also, the party that pushed/demanded for the divorce, in writing; made/offered the proposal, in writing; is unlikely to get “their” agreement re-examined/overturned. (Again, my locale. Other places are much more strict and agreements are more binding.)
Anyhow, there can be a business side of letting one’s spouse do the heavy lifting. It’s not just letting them feel what being divorce is like.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
