My Story

[Ready2Change]

W asked me yesterday if I had thought more about what she proposed. I said I was still processing. It is obvious she wants to move the divorce forward.

Perfect.

When she asks again, I will make it clear that if she wants to separate that I will not be moving out as long as D is not final. She can move out, and I will help her do it.

H:"I am happy here. If separating is the only way to make you happy, I will help you move out."

I really like the statement above. You are happy, even when she is not. You let her know indirectly that there are other solutions to her unhappiness. You will help her even if you disagree with her. Facial expressions, infections, body language are even more important than the words. PuppyDogTails talked about how he would practice in the mirror.

I have, however, been mulling whether or not to suggest a trial separation. This would require her to "put down the weapon" for a while, so to speak. My feeling is that she would not go for that.

I strongly suggest not suggesting "trial". It is counter intuitive, but you projecting an excitement for your new freedom would be better.
H:"W, I think it would be best if you found your own place as soon as possible." This kind of statement comes from your belief that you do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with you.

Two of my early DBing mantras:

"I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me."
"I do not share my woman with other men (or other women)."

These are part of my core beliefs that I had to clarify after BD. Get yours nailed down during this process.



Also, the less words, the better. Use just enough to get your point across.

You can keep deflecting, until you have made a decision.

"I am still thinking."
"I have not decided"

"This is an important decision. You have had lots of time to think about this. This is all new to me and I need more time."

Started crying the other day and let an "I love you" slip, the first one I've heard in a long while.

Just be the emotional rock during this process. Now is the time to project strength through adversity. Jordan perter son talks of facing the dragon.

"Invasion of the Body Snatchers," where people are replaced by alien duplicates, and their friends, husbands, wives, etc. just know that these aren't the people they've known for years.

So your wife wants to leave the person she knows the most about. You have to embrace just as many changes to you. She needs to see you as someone completely new.

"I have never seen you iron in my life" was one of the statement that stands out from my X. Be new, exciting, different. Surprise her.