It’s time to back off with W. Way off! Lots of time and space. Look up last resort technique (LRT) in DR for ideas of how to implement that. W has stated in pretty certain terms that she wants to be separated, she’s even arranged/asked for a loan from her parents for the lawyer retainer.
I know this is going to feel odd, feel counterintuitive: Any pressure or rational discussion/reasons to stick together will only push her out the door faster. She needs to feel what it’s like to be separated, and then realize that separation isn’t the answer to her unhappiness.
You cannot do that for her. You didn’t break her, therefore you cannot fix her. She’s on her path, and on her timeline.
You only can control you.
Get your own lawyer. Discuss your situation with them.
I’d not go the mediator route. I’d use lawyers. Lawyers ensure each party is protected and understands the legality of what they are signing.
If W is after an amicable split, like her proposed usage of a mediator suggests, a separation agreement should be straightforward. You two can basically self mediate/resolve/sort things out. Or you can’t. If it’s the latter, and I mean seriously the latter (cannot/will not agree), then lawyers will be required anyhow.
This is the business side of your situation. And will likely be the biggest decision of your life (custody, finances, pensions, house, and so on). Ensure you are making it wisely. Have legal counsel.
Let W own this decision. Let her lead. You, and your L, respond to what she proposes.
For your piece of mind, and to start letting W feel what it’s like to be separated, turn off the tracking on her. Spying just keeps one attached. Best to cleave that from your life.
Really focus on you and the kids. W is firing you as husband. Do not be her backup plan, nor her support person. Let her do for herself. You cannot woo her back with flowers and such. In fact, you know where that kind of behaviour will lead you. So, you take a different path forward. Time and space. Focus on you. GAL. And maybe, she awakens. Or maybe not. Yet, either way, you will be ok.
This is not the end. Just a bump in the road.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
