It may feel good to come out swinging at her regarding the finances, however keep your attention to the end goal in all of this. So yes, her savings for a lawyer, her drinking and other disposable income usage, best to leave it alone for now. Simply inquire as to the breakdown of expenses. Rent/mortgage, electricity, insurances (vehicle/house/other), property taxes (if applicable), loans, child costs (clothes, food, school, etc), groceries if still purchasing as a family, and so on. Get records/proof if amounts seem overinflated.
W did suggest this meeting. She mentioned a shortfall if she were to hold back 20% of her funds. Let her lead and present her data. Your estimates figure that 80% is sufficient for the joint expenses. Let the bills/numbers tell the tale.
Of course, expenses is only half of the equation. Income is the other. I believe W makes more than you, although I think you said it is reasonable close. If so, just sum the joint expenses, cut the total in half, and get agreement that that is the amount each of you is required to deposit. Notwithstanding unexpected breakdowns and other unforeseen one time expenses.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Naturally I get a text from W saying that 'it's fine for me to do that, even though that's not what we agreed to do.
Did you previously agree to something? It seems W is under the impression you two did. If you did, I suspect the expenses and incomes were not clearly spelt out.
Basically, stay business-like and calm. Do the math and see what the split is.
D
Thanks. Well ya, like 2 months ago she asked about the joint checking, bills, etc, and I said I'm not really sure, but it may be easier to keep things as they've been. This was long before her retainer fee, discovering her 2nd private account, a stack of gift cards (restaurants, etc) disappearing, etc.
Yes, she makes about 2 grand a year more than me.
I'll let her lead the conversation. She had previously given me (and I assume her L) a printout of our monthly bills, our salaries, other odds and ends. Everything but groceries, ordering food, entertainment stuff, etc. I figure that even adding like 2 grand a month for that stuff (which is very generous), I'm still contributing more than enough, even with keeping 20% of my check. I'm certain she'll pull out some other numbers, expenses, etc saying otherwise though.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
