My position is that this can be turned around, with counseling, frank discussions, and reorganized priorities.
We all believe that when we arrive here. The problem is we are already passed the point where that may have been an option for our spouse.
After BD, a different approach needs to happen. These are all the DBing tools.
Talking never works. She needs to miss you. She needs to FEEL attraction to you. Most of our behaviors do not increase attraction while married. Women are much more complicated than us men. That is why I push newbies to dig deep into improving their understanding of attraction and seduction. Change as many behaviors as you want. Drop the unattractive traits. Start adding new attractive ways of behaving. The big issue is identify the traits you need to add or subtract.
I behave significantly different with my lady than I did with my X. All this from the wisdom I have gained since the bomb drop.
When(if) you get to piecing, you will be able to get counseling, frank discussions and reorganized priorities into place.
Until you get to piecing, you DB. You embrace this part of the process. You focus on you and your personal growth. You be the best dad. You set her free. You don't attempt to control, but rather influence.
Not to hijack this thread, and I know we discussed this before. But in my opinion it's a lot easier to attract a new person than it is to rekindle attraction with someone you've been with for a long time. You say you behave different with your new lady. Do you think when you were BD'd, if you acted like you do now, your ex would have regained attraction to you? I agree with you on everything. Just wondering your thoughts about how difficult it is to regain attraction from someone that knows you better than anyone else.
Like, if I used techniques from Neil Straus, Mystery, David Deangelo, etc on a stranger, I'd probably have success. If I did them on my W, she'd probably laugh in my face. I realize this isn't exactly what you're talking about, but if you could go back in time w/ your ex, how would your behavior change knowing what you know now, and do you think it would work?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
