I'm Back! (3)

[mrorange]

Hi Terapin
I’ve read this entire thread, and I just wanted you to know I feel for you. I’m sorry this has happened in your life. I know my whole reality has come crashing down, and sincerely wish you the best in this trying time. Honestly my hopes are beginning to dwindle regarding my own situation, but seeing how you have been so strong in the face of such adversity is encouraging. I applaud your dedication to your family, and your strength and poise in its demise. Best wishes.

Thanks. I wouldn't consider myself 'strong' one bit in this situation. I'm struggling at times, but I just think after a while you gotta say 'F it', and focus on yourself (and kids).

One 'trick' that's seems to help me some is, every time I start to feel sad for the sitch, the demise of 15 years, the future plans, etc, I think to myself 'this person doesn't feel the same or share the same plans. Why would I let myself be hung up on someone like that?' It at least turns my mood from sadness to anger. After a while, my anger has lead to somewhat of an acceptance/detachment.

This probably isn't the best route to go, but I think you gotta find something that works for you. Something that keeps you from dwelling on the negatives of your situation. Whether that's GAL, some kind of mind trick, etc.

Anger is more useful than despair. I feel like what I’m doing is sweeping under the rug.
I still feel like this is a bad dream I may snap out of/ wake from.
Although as time progresses. I’m beginning to lose hope.
I don’t want to live like this. I physically can’t. I’m going to get sick or something.
I will probably be the one who ends this. Oddly my W has never brought up D. She wanted separation while the A was going on, but now we are living like roommates? Who hug and kiss and say I love you. It’s weird. I’m uncomfortable with it.

My W believes that we will all live happily together. Like some kind of deranged Brady bunch.
Me. My children, her, and our significant others. I’m insulted she thinks I’d agree to that madness.

My biggest fear regarding a D isn’t losing my wife, or kids. It’s losing my desire to love them.
It’s resigning that the pain I feel seeing them is too strong. So I stop. Then I truly lose my family. Taken is the ability to love them. Taken by too many painful memories.