6 months of uncertainties.

[DnJ]

Hello mrorange

I am sorry you find yourself here. Bomb drop is such a gut punch.

I’ve got a vague idea of what DB is but I’m so hurt and confused. I’m beginning to physically deteriorate. It’s quite literally killing me. I can feel it…

Breathe.

You are among folks who understand. Folks who care. Folks who have walked through the fires you are currently in.

Yes, this does take a horrible physical toll upon one. Such emotional stress is reflected physically. We also do not care for ourselves as best we should when embroiled within this.

A very common thing is sleep deprivation. Restless, fitful, nightmare-filled sleeps can linger for months.

Physical activity is an excellent outlet for venting one’s pent up anxiety and to reduce stress. It also helps with sleeping patterns and sleeping more soundly.

Sweat it out. Do something physical, even exhausting. Let those feelings go into the activity. Walk, run, dig the garden, practice with the punching bag, etc. Something safe to let go your feelings.

Do you have a copy of Divorce Remedy by MWD? If not, get one. Read it carefully and fully. Lots of great information in that book.

A note, do not share the book or anything you learn with W, she will see it as you attempting to manipulate her, which will be counterproductive. DR, this site, and such are your playbook, they are for you. Keep them close to the vest. And clear the browser cache on the family computer if you use it on this site.

Detachment is the single best thing you can do for yourself. Read the detachment thread for ideas and strategies and tools for fostering detachment. It takes time, and purposeful rational thought and activity.

Detachment, letting go, dropping the rope, is basically one no longer being uncontrollably dragged around by their situation or the words and behaviours of their spouse. Drop the rope or be dragged, is a common saying you’ve likely ran across in your months of reading here.

I’m in pain. Everyday for 6 months has been a struggle. Some days are better than others, but it’s ever present… The infidelity, the drinking, the eye twitching. She is so angry sometimes. It’s frightening honestly. Please help.

I do empathize and understand your pain. After my BD, I too languished. Ceaselessly.

The quickest way through this bog is a straight line. It is quite a slog and takes time.

We all require a certain amount of understanding before we can/will let go. Before we find detachment. Post, ask questions, listen to the kind and compassionate folks here with much hard-earned wisdom.

I just feel like everything I’ve worked so hard for. My family, my career, my home….
None of it exists anymore. I’m absolutely devastated, and it’s been dragging on 6 months now.

mro, I do understand that feeling of devastation. Have faith, you’ve not lost. The future is unknown and unwritten. This absolutely gets better. You will be better!

For right now, breathe. Take it day by day. Hour by hour when you need to. Heck, I had plenty of days I existed minute to minute. Literally. I watched the second hand go around the entire clock. Then, surviving that minute, I did another. Let me tell you, an hour/day can feel like an eternity.

Focus on you. Shift your focus off of W. Give her plenty of time and space. She needs to burn through her anger and resentment. That frightening angry side of her you’ve seen.

W’s current path is emotionally driven. She will change her mind and her trajectory many times. Believe nothing she says and only half of what she does. Another reason to shift your focus off of her.

Get a life (GAL). Do activities. Pick up old forgotten hobbies. Start something new. Try something you’ve always wanted to do. This all helps with detachment and many other facets of your path.

Please do share your ages and how many kids and such. Folks can better tailor suggestions with more information. This is a safe place, and you are anonymous. Just leave names, locations, and such out.

I look forward to conversing with you.

Stay strong my friend. You’ll be alright.

D