My Story

[Sunflyer]

So...W's insecurity.

It came up again when she indicated that she wants to end our marriage.

"I don't think you find me attractive any more."

I told her that was not true.

Background: I always had a hard time dating when I was younger. I am basically introverted, plus the consensus among most of the women I met is that I am below average in the looks department. As I have gotten older, I have cared less about this. I am who I am, it's not my problem if someone else doesn't like it.

As explained in my first post, W is a bariatric patient. When we married, she weighed roughly twice what she does now. And let me say that regardless of weight, W is an extremely good-looking woman. From what I gathered, she never really had trouble getting dates and could presumably have had any man she wanted. I was actually somewhat surprised I hit it off with her; I always figured I would end up with someone "plainer" looking.

Over the years, I have heard repeatedly, "I'm fat!" In fact, I heard it again just the other day, even though she has lost almost 50% of her body mass. More recently, the complaint changes to encompass the changes that have come with her weight loss.

"Look at this loose skin. Isn't it terrible?"

"I hate the way my arms look."

Hence her upcoming surgeries, this time to deal with these weight loss effects.

Admittedly, there are some health issues that come with this. Hygiene is more difficult, and she has to wear clothes, especially pants, that are bigger than they would be otherwise, and it's very uncomfortable for her.

I have supported all of her surgical procedures, because I want her to be happy, herself. She doesn't have to do this for me. Extra weight, flabby arms, I don't care. I am hardly Mr. Slim myself. She has always excited me. But we have hardly ever made love with the lights on, at her request. Sometimes I'd leave a light on hoping she would not care. But she usually did.

So now, since she feels I don't compliment her enough, she probably has a head full of, "He can't stand the way I look anymore." (This despite the fact that she looked the exact same the last time we were together sexually, and everything worked out fine).

Obviously, I can't go around telling her how sexy she is at this point. She will think I am sucking up to her. But this is an ongoing issue.