My Story

[Sunflyer]

It is pretty standard for the leaving spouse to become the opposite of who they once were. Some are driven by consuming torments from past trauma(s); others reacting/responding/taking action to built up resentment(s), be those perceived or bonafide.

One of the (probably multiple) factors exacerbating the situation is what I see as a deep-seated insecurity that I believe W has about her physical appearance. This appears to be lifelong. I am going to make a separate post about this and how it has manifested, and continues to do so, in our lives.

The LBS can only control themselves. Their thoughts, actions, and reactions. However, they can, and do, exert an influence. Giving time and space, being kind and cordial, maintaining boundaries regarding disrespectful behaviours, and such. Standing, while moving forward. All within your control. All for you. And all providing a positive influence towards busting a divorce.

This I am doing. I am identifying things I want to do, or do better, for myself, and behaviors that I can modify. One of my first goals was to pay a little more attention to my own appearance. I typically would wear my hair a little on the longer side, let it grow out somewhat. I decided to change that and see how I would feel wearing it shorter all the time. It wasn't particularly long, but I got a haircut anyway. I've decided that I like it, and coincidentally it was immediately noticed by W, who complimented me on it.

Another thing is to try to do one thing I find fun or engaging each day. This one is actually harder, since it can be hard to put aside the negative feelings and jump into something positive. But I am trying.

Yes, there are many milestones that have a bittersweet flavour, even without martial strife. Kids growing up and making their way, is a particular one. And a common “cause” of stirring up feelings, and exacerbating martial problems.

Senior prom is a big event in a young lad’s life. Congrats to him. Be proud of the man he is becoming.

Take care.

D

Yes, and he's getting academic and athletic honors this week, too. A great time for him.