Learning the ropes 2

[Terapin]

Just posting weekly update to keep me on track. The advice on NC from Kind & DnJ was really helpful & I've stuck to it.

It's been a really rough week in terms of emotions & I struggled to eat again for a few days till I regulated myself back in the present. His OW changed her profile pic on social media to one of her & him. He looked really happy & this killed me. I don't follow her (or stalk her account) but she came up on daughters feed as a potential friend & D showed me. It completely destroyed me for a few days but I then took a reality check. Its no different than the say before. I know he wants to be with her at present. I know he's happy when he's with her. I've seen a photo of it now. So what? (Except it kills Me!). Its been the biggest emotional response for some time so shocked me a bit & threw me off track for a good few days.

GAL activity - I joined the gym!!! I hate it but I'm going. Its a cheap gym so no frills, which is quite intimidating because its full of young lads lifting weights. I went with D & although I'm not committing to Kinds every day for 30 days (holiday in 2 weeks), I'm going alternate days to my walking & this feels like a good balance.

I'm really struggling with why I feel so attached to H. My life is better than it was, I look better and my world is definitely bigger but I really struggle with how he could leave me for OW. She looks trashy, has no morals & he's her third man in less than a year. I think I've got a lot of old narratives about what my life should be like ie happy married wife & mum & I feel sad that this has been taken away from me by someone who doesn't measure up. I'm starting to get a little angry but the big emotions are still sadness and anxiety. I struggle with no contact at all, it feels like there's no hope & he's living his best life with no responsibility whilst I battle on through most days. I'm work in progress with distancing from my thoughts. I'm trying not yo engage with my internal dialogue about whether it's true or false & just take a step back, observe my response & think I have choices about responding differently. It's really hard and I keep coming back to it feeling like play acting & when will it ever go away.

Forward planning: I've got a night out booked in at the weekend for cocktails with a few close friends. I've bought myself a new outfit & aim to look as gorgeous as I can! We'll then be on countdown to hols.

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I really do value them all and try and incorporate everything that is advised.

Hi. It sounds like you're doing well. Back in my younger days, I always subscribed to the theory that you'll think about someone until the next one comes along. I'm certainly not advocating you to go hook up with someone. But a fun night out with friends, and getting some attention from other men would probably do a lot for your confidence. Again, not saying to hook up. But I went out w/ friends a few weeks ago, and it was nice to see a few women even make eye contact with me.

Just keep focusing on yourself as much as possible. There's no easy way through this, but you'll get there.