I can see you’re starting to identify your emotions as temporary, and that’s a really good thing. Negative emotions with no apparent end in sight leads to anxiety, depression, sadness, dread… and sometimes long term mental health problems. That’s why we always recommend IC here. Well done on recognising it won’t be like this forever.
Another helpful thing is to realise that this is the worst it will ever be. You’re in the hardest part of it - where you’ve been BD’d, you’ve decided to do the honourable thing and try to save it, and your husband has made it clear he doesn’t want to. You’re in the worst part right now. In six months it will be a tiny bit better. In twelve months it will be SIGNIFICANTLY better. In two years, you’ll rarely think about it.
Not only is this temporary - it will only ever get easier from where you are right now!
Gym - go for it. No more procrastinating. Walk down the street to one today and sign up. Don’t focus too much on cardio, heavy weights are actually the best for losing weight (because you keep burning calories for days after) and also best for your mental health. Find someone to go with so there’s more accountability. You’re not allowed to quit for the first 30 days, because it will take that long before you start enjoying it.
Your job is not to make him see his kids.
If your son asks about it, encourage him that it’s good to have his dad in his life. Tell your daughter she can contact her Dad and you’ll support that 100% if she wants him involved in her prom night. Sounds like your kids are old enough to make their own decisions, you just STFU and always support it if that’s what they want (or don’t).
Money gift - no, definitely don’t contact him. Give your daughter half of what you gave to son, and tell her that’s what you can afford right now. If you can afford more, then give her the full amount.
Don’t contact him, don’t interfere, but always support. That’s your job now.
The “5 weeks no contact” comment makes me think you’re perhaps struggling with that and looking for an excuse to contact him. Leave him be, until he actually WANTS to be involved in your kids’ lives, you’ll just end up hurting yourself if you try to shoe-horn him into their lives.
You can’t force other people, you’ll just end up getting hurt when it doesn’t work out. The only thing you can control and force - is you!
