Hi everyone. I've not posted for a week so thought I'd do a quick update, review of my GAL & seek some advice.
It's been a bank holiday weekend here in the UK & we've had lovely weather. This has been really great but has brought up lots of difficult thoughts and memories for me of happy family times. I've shed a few tears over the weekend but not uncontrollably and still tried to push myself out of my comfort zone. I just wish I could fully enjoy experiences without them triggering memories & emotions. I do know these pass & I'm getting better at allowing time for this to happen.
GAL update - I got into the pantomime chorus. Im not sure if this is a good or bad thing but definitely outside of my comfort zone! Rehearsals start in a month & I'm hoping to meet new people there. I've been gardening over the weekend. I am not a fan of gardening at all but the weeds were beginning to look like triffids so needs must! My big achievement this weekend was today when I did a BBQ for me & the kids. This was always H's job and I had to Google how to start a charcoal BBQ. I really didn't enjoy lighting it (thought I was going to set myself in fire) & waiting for the coals but the food was delicious and I felt a sense of achievement afterwards.
Kind18 - I also watched the blind side with D on Saturday & cried my eyes out all the way through. I'd forgotten what a lovely film it is so thanks for the reminder.
Reflections on my thoughts over the past week - I've realised my low confidence is about my appearance. Others tell me I'm attractive but I don't believe them and I think this can trigger my fears and sadness about being left on my own. I know a lot of this is body image related & I continue to work on this but probably do need to step up the exercise & stop avoiding joining a gym for fear of others negative judgement. Ive lost nearly 60lbs since BD so looking way better but need to tone up. This really does need to be my next GAL activity.
I have a question for those with more wisdom about all of this. I'm NC with H for the past 5 weeks. He's in touch with D & attempted to see S this week but my S told him that he doesn't want to see him till football season starts in Sept. It's D's prom at the end of June. It's a big deal for her & I want him to see her and get some photo's with her. Should I contact him to ask or leave it to D? Also, when my son passed his exams, we gave him some money. I want to do the same for D so it is fair. Should I ask him if he will pay half for this? I'm really struggling to know what is the best thing to do. I've been happy with NC but I'm aware there will be the odd thing I need to speak to him about such as increasing child maintenance in line with his recent salary increase. These are the more business side of the separation. Any thoughts and advice?
