One idea around here is to accept some, but not all initiations by her to do something together. Part of this is doing things apart from each other. Not sure if you did things together much as a couple.
We do have our own unique interests, and have never objected to the other pursuing them individually. I try to pursue mine when she is at work or otherwise occupied. (Our work schedules don't always overlap, so I can find time to do this).
Family gatherings have always been as a couple, unless one was legitimately ill or had some other pressing circumstance that intervened.
Her complaint is that when we are not pursuing our individual interests, I am not doing enough things with her. Not enough walks in the park, date nights, whatever. We used to do those things more.
That complaint is legitimate. I won't excuse my part of it, but I think both of us have had issues making time for each other.
I fell into the work/kids trap, where my main focus was on what I needed to do for work and what I needed to do to keep the kids happy, if she could not or if she wasn't home.
She works in public accounting and has multiple deadlines each year requiring significant overtime. It got to the point that she was so burnt out last year, as her firm piled more work on her rather than hire more help, that the job was taking a toll on her mental health. She actually had a new job offer in hand and resigned. But they lured her back with a massive raise and concessions, including a new hire.
On top of this, in 2021, she and her brother started the aforementioned business, which they work on together a couple of nights a week. That business has somewhat changed focus, but she still has commitments with him two or three nights a week, typically.
I busied myself with hobbies if I felt she was tired from work.
She came home tired a lot. If I was interested in sex, I didn't ask because I felt guilty. It became less frequent, but was still good when we had it.
Throw this stuff in the pot along with the fact that she feels I don't compliment her enough or thinks I no longer find her attractive, and here we are.
I wouldn't mind having a few initiations to do things from her, so I could turn some down if I choose, but I have a feeling none are coming anytime soon.
And I am not in a position to ask, since that would put pressure on her. I can't ask for "dates" at this point, even if I would like to.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
