I feel like I"m just 'counter punching' right now. Other forums would say to go on the attack. I don't know who's right.
Fighting begets fighting.
One should certainly defend themselves, and be prepared to go toe to toe if things get dragged there. However, leading with such tactics closes several doors to other more beneficial possibilities. One’s spouse may close such possibilities down on their own, even drag things into the adversarial realm. Remain calm, just respond, let them lead, let them own their divorce.
How you handle and deal with the business side of this does influence your emotional/healing path. What you do, the actions you take, how you conduct yourself, all become part of your immutable past. Stick to the high road; even when, especially when!, you feel otherwise. You have to live with your decisions for a long long time.
Do realize, it’s “how you conduct yourself”. You are not a doormat, and you are still focused upon the best outcome for self and son. It’s just how you go about it is all.
Originally Posted by Terapin
But one thing is true, the woman I married and loved is gone.
At the moment she is not present. That gal could be pushed down and hidden away from some wildly tormenting pressures of W’s life and past. Or she is entering a transitional stage of life. Or she (and you) could have drifted off course in your marriage. Or some other life changing / altering event. Or any mixture thereof. None of which is directly fixable by you. And none, which is not further alterable. Guaranteed, W is not done changing. We all constantly grow and change with our experiences.
This situation is fodder for change in you. These experiences, the path you traverse, will alter you. Become the best version of yourself. Find the path, move forward, along the journey that serves you. Digging deep and discovering what that best path is, is a lot of what the divorce busting philosophy entails.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
