Steve, like I said, a part of me will never forgive her for this (actually twice in 5 years). When I look at this without any emotion, what I see is a selfish woman who rarely wants sex, doesn't cook, drinks every night, has a ton of debt, and has put me through the ringer for 20 straight years. Emotionally I want to save the M for the sake of the family, and I do love her. But rationally, Art Carney can have her too.
You need to work through this duplicity in counseling. You can't here saying you didn't want to see the marriage (or at least that was what you thought you "wanted"). But everytime you found evidence that she was planning on D you seemed disappointed. We respond to your disappointment and then you claim you really don't want to save it.
I get that you're confused but the advice you receive can only be about what you are currently posting. Heck you even said to her that since things had been better you thought things were going to work out!
If you're confused, and we're confused, I can guarantee you that so it's she!
Let's recap:
T comes here talking and BD #2. T doesn't know if he wants to save them marriage. T's wife starts being nice. T seems to be happy about things being better. T keeps getting disappointed when he finds evidence that his wife is still contemplating D. T's W finally sits him down to reiterate that her plan is to D. T comes here deflated. T gets advice that things are really no different than before the sit down. T insists that he still isn't sure if he wants to save the marriage.
Look at the first line. Look at the list line. Ask them lines in between are meaningless! You are in the same position now as you were when you first came back to the board.
We've seen several situations like this. Where the LBS thinks that a sit down talk is the WAS moving the D forward. Reverb though it's still all talk and inaction on them WAS's part.
My advice. Work through what you really want in IC. If D is what your want then go make that happen. If you want to try to save it, DB your butt off. But stop being a casual observer of your own life, be an active participant. Because my fear is that in a few more weeks we'll be having the same discussion and exchange.
Tldr; You're stuck in place.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
