I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Pattnee5]

Thanks for that D
Makes complete sense. I am definitely not obsessing over it and do keep thinking “believe half of what he does” so I do know it’s a long journey ahead and for now I am just staying centred and not thinking too much of it.
I tell you I wish I knew about the going dark in the early days when I was clinging begging crying not eating not sleeping. I needed it back then when I didn’t have my balance or feet and zero boundaries.
I’m still prepared to be patient with lots of time and space. I am getting better at instilling my boundaries and standing up for my beliefs and values now rather than just bowing down like a lost puppy which is good. I feel like I am finding myself again finally and almost like I can breathe too. Of course I have my emotional days too but they are definitely getting far less frequent. I am also not doing everything for him like before-looking back at my behaviour pre DR wow I was very much doing everything wrong, especially over-functioning to try and get H back. Not realistic at all.
As I said I am re-reading DR again now. I feel far more centred and grounded at the moment. Meditating daily has helped a great deal ( especially if emotions creep in). Hopefully I get the all clear to exercise in two weeks and can start running. Lots of things on with the kids, watching some stand up comedy shows on streaming at nights to laugh, some outings with the girls over the next few weekends 🙂 For now I am re-discovering me and feel good about it regardless when and where H will slot into my life in the future.