Wanting divorce is not why any of us arrive at this site. But sometimes, it gives closure to have it done.
Your different interpretation of why things were better last few weeks is interesting. A LBS will see better interactions and return to how it used to be (fun, happiness, less arguing) as a sign things are getting better. But she was happier because she convinced herself you were on board with divorce and so the pressure was off her.
The more I study this and read, the more I realise this is a constant theme. The rubbish behaviour of waywards/walkaways is because they carry guilt over the their behaviour and breaking vows.
It’s why you should never try to interpret what they are thinking or doing. It makes zero sense and is a ticket to the crazy house. All that a walkaway/wayward wants is for people to tell them what they’re doing is okay. If they don’t get that - they respond with anger, bullying, threats and even violence. It’s a sad insight into the human mind.
Keep your chin up. Remember that you’ve passed the worst of it. Life will only get better from here.
One day, you too will realise that actually deserve someone who values and loves you as much as you do them.
Thanks Kind. Yeah I guess that's how I'm feeling. Life will get better. I can't stand the thought of turning our sons life upside down, and for that reason alone I'll never fully forgive my STBX for that.
Yeah, that 'theme' is interesting. I guess acting 'as if' wasn't the best move, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway in the long run.
She wasn't fazed one bit about me speaking to a L, and she kept saying stuff like 'i'm not going to fight over a TV, couch, etc. She's said she fully expects to end up in a small apartment or something. So, here's a woman in her mid 40s, that is giving up half of her son, her husband, a quarter million dollar home, safety, security, friends, etc, because she's 'not happy'. I've stuck w/ her through a ton of issues (eating disorder, depression, alcoholism, etc). Never cheated on her, never physically abused her. She still swears there's 'nobody else', but who cares.
So what now? I don't want things to be cold and mean around here. I think from now on, it's just all business. I'll be nice and cordial, but that's it.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
