Acceptance

[Ready2Change]

Hi Rock,

DBing is a lot like basic training for the military. We have so many "unhealthy" ways of behaving that we learned. We misinterpret words and teachings from the Bible. Our parents are not the best role models. Our coping mechanisms are flawed. We did lots of things while married that caused resentment within our spouses. The list goes on and on. That is why DBing is soo counter-intuitive.

DBing is triage. Stop the bleeding. Fix the biggest layers of the onion as quick as possible. It is a DIY activity.

We all suck at understanding attraction and seduction when we arrive here. If we knew these things during the marriage, we would not be here. As a man, I can see you need lots of work in this area. They are learned skills. Some learn them early in life. The rest of us had to find out the hard way. Now you are at a hard spot. How do you get the skills you need without the ability to practice? You have to gain knowledge from others. Here, observing "attractive guys" and how they interact with their lady, books, other recourses on the internet etc....

Nothing is less attractive than a needy guy. Burn that into your brain.

I tell the guys here not to be boring. A woman wants excitement in her life. Even if that is an argument with her man. I suggest being exciting in other ways, but sometimes intentionally creating drama with your woman is better than being boring.

I am an outdoors guy. But when I was single I was not attracting the ladies because I go hunting and fishing and camping. Motorcycle rides, going out to concerts, dancing, making them feel safe, STFU and listening to them like they are the only person on the planet etc...One of my dance partners was significantly younger than me and very attractive. Lots of woman in the place always gave me good eye contact while I was dancing with her. She increased my attractiveness. When I am out with my lady, I get more attention from other ladies.


How many parties have you had since W left? How manly is your bedroom? How much do you know about BSDM (or whatever bedroom actives interest you)? There are 100's of other questions to ask yourself. I don't need answers from you. Just things for you to think about.

You be you. Take a look at who you have been and who you want to be. No rules. Stay or change.

You really want your W back? You have soo many things to change to draw her back. She left you for a reason. Because she was not attracted to your behaviors. She couldn't handle being with you anymore. Just like my X. Just like the rest of the guys here.

Become a sexy guy. Not for her but for you. When you have other women pursuing you, you have the right stuff that she might decide to come back. Until then, keep focused on you and your personal growth.