You might FEEL like you’re struggling and doing a terrible job, but for us externally looking in, we think you’re doing a GREAT job!
It’s hard, when your own heart and emotions are tangled up, to see things clearly and objectively.
You’re only four months in. Most people only four months in, when presented with a challenging day like a birthday with no contact, probably would have cracked and messaged him. The fact that it was hard for you, but you hung tough and made the smart decision - that tells me you’re actually able to make decisions with your brain, not your broken heart. WELL DONE YOU!
It will always be hard. There’s people on this board who have been here for 10 years who probably have a sad day here and there… totally normal. What sort of un-emotional troglodyte would you be if you didn’t have feelings sometimes?
During my time, I was told by several people (both through the board and external to the board) that 12 months was a minimum amount of time to re-centre yourself. And that timing pretty much worked out perfectly for me - at 12 months, suddenly I felt a big mind-shift and really started moving forward.
Trust me when I say this - you are doing great, and it will get easier!
Also, despite all the great advice on this board, and the principles of DBing - sometimes, things just take time. Time definitely heals all wounds, just trust in that and let it happen.
If you find you start having more and more sad days, it means you need to exercise more. Exercise is heavily linked to mental health and resilience. If you feel yourself struggling, get your butt off to the gym or go for a run. A physically tired person always sleeps better, and has more emotional resilience.
