It's been a few months. Thanks for always being a great support system.
I've been GAL, hanging out with the toddler who is the funniest, sweetest little guy, and working. Although I've been a little stressed at work, I've still found time to make sure the kiddo and I spend quality time no matter what each day (walking to the park, reading books, playing outside, built him a little jungle gym) and still doing my hobbies (dancing, going out with friends, being part of medical societies and going to events). My nanny has been my savior in this regard by staying late to allow me free time.
I thought I was doing super well and then this past weekend my friend informed me the ex is, indeed, with the woman he emotionally cheated with me on, and likely moved across the country for. Although I had a feeling it was true (and this is something most of you all had already dealt with) it was still really harmful seeing it be exactly what I had envisioned. My friends have been incredibly supportive, although some say I just need to move on and get past it - yes, I'm well aware, thanks! - and talking with friends who also went through similar divorces was extremely validating in how I feel and how to approach it. I asked my friend to no longer update me and actually just remove him. She said for what it's worth he looks gross and old compared to his new girlfriend, and he seems cringey, but it doesn't matter. She asked if I wanted to see a picture and I said of course not.
But it felt like I took 10 steps back with how much it impacted me. I shouldn't care, nor want him back, after all of this. and in truth even if he did apologize I don't even think I would want him back into my life after all he's done - so why is this still so painful? It just seems so unfair he seems like he gets his happily ever after and has no remorse.
As an aside, he sent me a big bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day. He hadn't asked about the toddler for months. It's pretty annoying that he fluctuates between complete indifference to sending a bouquet of flowers, possibly to alleviate his guilt? I don't know.
