I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Pattnee5]

Thanks D, yes I certainly know never act on emotion now. Never send that text or say those words. A few months back in that situation I would have
Bombarded h with texts of pleading begging etc. Now I just tried to harness them and realised I felt better the next day and no longer felt I needed to act on anything.

I’m learning more about myself that’s for sure. Def a 180 for me to actually actively listen to a work related story where I used to find them not relevant fo me and tune out. This certainly was a good example for me to see H turn toward me in a positive way( like we used to interact).

Today I read back at my “goals” I wrote when I read a section at the start of DR and MWD talks about short term small goals. I remember reading those chapters and having big extravagant ones and having to re write them as the chapter went on. This was about a month ago now and I realised two goals have actually been ticked. He asked me how my day has been and has initiated a cuddle and connection. And we had conversations about mundane everyday things where we laughed and joked liked we used to and he is holding eye contact and smiling. ( I had started to hold alot more eye contact and smiling a lot more lately at him and initially he kept asking why I kept staring at him because I hadn’t stared for a long time at him).
Anyway it was just a small win again when I read back and think of the little gains since reading DR and doing my 180 etc. I mentioned the other day when H was asking about my days and plans and general chit chat that I was going to start running again, and about a week later he asked if he could join me when I do( still have to wait for the all clear on surgery).
So what does this mean? Who knows and I don’t need answers but the little gains to me are positive because I am seeing positive changes in the man I love. These changes in him lately make me so happy not for me or is, but for his own well-being and not see him live and wallow
In his misery. He still has alot going on with his emotions and inside his own head but at least just a little bit of positive influence from me can help him.
For now I am still just letting him lead and walking beside him but still DB as I go.
A lot of DB as I go. Which park he chooses is up to him but I’m still celebrating the little wins even if nobody else will for him 😊