Not much has changed. We are getting along well, I’m starting a new job a week from now, and things are good. I have been staying busy working in the yard. D13’s freshman sb season just ended and she was pulled up to Varsity so we are excited about that. S17 will graduate in a few weeks, also exciting. Glad to be getting back to work yet a little bummed. W did ask me recently if I wanted her to find another job. I replied that she knows how I feel about it and the decision is hers to make. Added that in the end I don’t believe her working there and sweeping everything under the rug is going to work out for us. Told her that I’m not happy with her lack of effort to work on our problems but I’m willing to see where it goes. So I’m doing much better at living life as it is and have been in a very good headspace for a couple of weeks. I truly think I have accepted where we are and that I’ll survive this ordeal wether our R does or not. I know in the recent past I thought I felt that way. I think it’s real now. No worries or expectations and life is pretty good. Thanks for checking on me. How about you?
Is that different from you ? Stating your needs ???
It sounds healthy for you...
Word of caution though...
When an WAS returns, there are two schools. Some come back hard, while others come back (and yours appears this way) with a whisper of doubt.
Yet ALL of them fear judgement, and failure.
Most fear falling back into old patterns .
That is the reason I asked you to define what reconciliation looked like for you.
She is giving the appearance of wanting to work on things in her own way, which is entirely different from your way. And that CAN be okay as long as the requirements are being met.
I guess what I'm saying is this...
Be careful with your words, be even more careful with your expectations.
Unspoken expectations are really just resentments waiting to happen....
Listen without defending, speak without offending...
Seek to understand, so that you can be understood....
You have the tools, and they are more finely honed than hers at this point, don't use them as a blade against her....
I know it sounds strange, and small to worry about, yet every word is important right now. Standing firm on your boundaries is important now....
Just remember, a WAS will not return to a situation that they were trying to get away from....
Me?
I'm getting there slowly.
It's been a long , tough road for sure.
Days are starting to brighten though little by little.
I've kinda slacked off on projects on my truck since spring. Just enjoying driving it for now, although I am lining up a couple things coming up. Mowing for me, and maintenance on my neighbor's machinery has been taking some time.
Just life ya know ?
I was wondering if you had a chance to take a look at it on the reddit site. It's been fun to get back into.
