I’m still so lost -Pt 2

[Pattnee5]

I’m starting DR book all over again from the start. I figured the second time I read it ( now a few weeks later) I may get more out of it. I also recently realised another neglect in my part the last year or so. This only dawned on me the other day when H asked me about my day and then proceeded to tell me about his and some work stuff. In the past the moment that would happen I would completely zone out and do something because I was “busy”, but realisation came during that conversation was I made sure I turned all my focus on H listened attentively and it was like his world lit up( that’s when I realise how terrible I had been in the past) I just smiled nodded validated a few times about someone who annoyed him. Lightbulb moment, and his whole persona changed and H then proceeded to do everything around the house while I was out. It’s amazing what something like this can open your eyes to the errors of your ways in the past. Sometimes I am extremely harsh and critical of myself but only because I am trying ro be the best version of myself moving forward for me and for the kids.
Anyway will start the DR all over again and pull out more chunks x my moment of sadnes yesterday was just my emotions and brain going into hyperdrive. I ended up meditating in the evening and early morning, got the dog out for a walk and felt so much calmer and relaxed. I can’t have a plan in this, it’s just day by day and see where it leads. I am just focusing on the only thing I can control and fix and that’s me.