Detach

[JosephS]

Hey Rock! The last few updates have been great and I loved that last one about food. Sometimes a different voice, tone or perspective does a world of good.

However if we are talking about making meals, well I can’t stay out of that conversation.

I’m not sure where you are from, but find a recipe online or on YouTube for Carolina mustard BBQ sauce. If you’re from that area, we’ll than ignore me you already know.

But that stuff is freaking life altering it’s so good!

[Kind18]

Again - please know this comes from a place of kindness.

Like Joseph, I was mega frustrated with your thread and posts, although I got there much sooner than Joseph did 🤣 - and weeks ago I decided to walk away altogether from your thread.

So fool on me (or well done you?) for managing to draw me in to respond. Perhaps I need to see someone and discuss why I can’t leave this alone 🤔

I have made 4 new male friends - good fun guys I want to influence my traj3ctory. Actuallly that’s a new behaviour that has surprised W. The consistent effort and energy she has noticed me investing in these friendships.

Same old, same old Rock - just attempts to manipulate, veiled under the disguise of becoming a GAL boss.

I’m sorry Rockon, I’m just not buying it.

If you haven’t that IC appointment yet, maybe you should walk in and say “I’m having great difficulty accepting my wife’s decision and everything I’m doing isn’t for me, but to trick her into taking me back. I need help to actually move forward, not pretend I’m moving forward.”

Your ego is the problem here. Deep down, you are unable to accept that she has left and you’re using this site to try and find the quick fix to get her back on your hook.

Sometimes I give advice that people have to move on with their life, because it’s only when you truly realise you (and no-one else) controls your happiness, that you find peace and ever become fulfilled, attractive and able to be in a relationship again. I nearly always preface that advice with the caveat that by the time you do that, and if your ex wants you back, you’ll probably not be interested anyway.

I wonder if that advice is poor. It seems more and more people who visit this site take that advice as “If I just pretend I’m fine without her, she’ll get jealous and then she’ll want me back.”

Perhaps I need to reframe how I give that advice.

Here it is a bit more simply for other newcomers who may be reading along:
- become a GAL boss for YOU, deeply look inwards and become a better person - you perhaps have a 5% chance of saving your marriage for ever, but either way, you’ll be a happy person on the other side of this, or
- become a GAL boss for THEM, keep looking in that rear view mirror… and all you’ll do is extend 1 year of divorce misery into 5 years

[Rockon]

Thanks Kind . I read this as kindness. I’m getting it more and more.
Haven’t seen her in a week. I’m happier, stronger, more confident. Getting stuff done. Enjoying life.

I have no idea if she will ever want back in and I am more accepting -getting there. I don’t know if I will want her back to be honest - not ready to give up yet.

[JosephS]

Well I didn’t see the part about your “wife noticing” darn it. Too excited about mustard BBQ sauce. Lol.

Let’s do this. Go a week in here without mentioning her. Give us an update about how you are and what you are doing. Post as usual, but stop mentioning her.

So what’s the plans for the weekend?

[Mach1]

Your ego is the problem here. Deep down, you are unable to accept that she has left and you’re using this site to try and find the quick fix to get her back on your hook.

I agree...

Rock,

Even the parts where you say how long it's been since you've seen/talked or whatever to her....

Is still you focusing on her...


I agree with Joseph here...

Let’s do this. Go a week in here without mentioning her. Give us an update about how you are and what you are doing. Post as usual, but stop mentioning her.

How long can you actually go without a post about her ??

[Rockon]

Well let’s see then. This weekend: lots of gardening, steaks on the grill, boating and drinks with friends and helping my parents with some tasks.

[JosephS]

What did you plant? What’s your favorite? How big is your garden? Do you do in ground gardens or the raised kind? What cut of steak? I’m a NY strip guy myself. What kind of boat do you have? Do you guys have a river or lake or?

[Rockon]

Tomatos, peppers, lettuce, spinach and beans. Also have raspberries, blueberries and strawberries - hopefully they do well. Raised boxes. also took care of the lawn this year removed moss etc. now I have to get the moss off the roof. Grilled ribeyes, roasted potatoes and corn on the cob.
Went ocean sailing on a friends sailboat. Looking forward to fishing with friends too. I don’t have a boat but I have been kayaking and I love that- in the ocean and lake. Love getting into the rivers to play too.

[Rockon]

Have youngest S home for the weekend. We are really enjoying being family (S, D and I - eldest S is away camping). D will also be doing some social things with friends. Whew lots of work in the yard and garden this time of year.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Rock,

These are the type of posts from you that we are looking for without the probing questions from us:

Tomatos, peppers, lettuce, spinach and beans. Also have raspberries, blueberries and strawberries - hopefully they do well. Raised boxes. also took care of the lawn this year removed moss etc. now I have to get the moss off the roof. Grilled ribeyes, roasted potatoes and corn on the cob.
Went ocean sailing on a friends sailboat. Looking forward to fishing with friends too. I don’t have a boat but I have been kayaking and I love that- in the ocean and lake. Love getting into the rivers to play too.

Compared to these which I find vague:

Have youngest S home for the weekend. We are really enjoying being family (S, D and I - eldest S is away camping). D will also be doing some social things with friends. Whew lots of work in the yard and garden this time of year.

We get to know you better when you are more specific with details.